Friday, December 09, 2005

Depressed.

So yeah, I'm depressed.

I think it would help if I could get my blog to look exactly how I wanted it to look like but it sucks because of the lack of knowledge that I have about altering or creating code for a new template. I try though. So far I gave my Memoirs a face lift with a little Christmas Spirit in the hopes to cheer myself up.

So what's bugging me? Well a lot of stuff I guess. Its final exam week and I think I'm stressing off of that- but also from some personal conflicts. I don't understand why people find it neccessary to get all sarcastic with you everyday.

I never really liked sarcasm much, maybe because it feels so fake to me, and maybe because it feels like it's just a waste of time, or maybe because I am a serious person and just don't find the need or use for sarcasm. I use to employ it as a kid but now as a grown ass man, I just feel as though it truly is wasted time and confuses the listener of whom you are conversing with. So that's the bottom line, I get a lot of negative energy and sarcastic wit from the people who supposedly love me and live with me whose face I have to see everyday. And I guess I could play verbal ping-pong and bounce it right back to them but doesn't that feel draining? Isn't it a waste of energy?

Sometimes people close to you could be the most dispicable because they know your life inside and out and they can and do use things against you to hurt you. It never made sense to me why people use emotional ammunition against one another if they truly love each other, it seems like ammunition and vengeance to me, but if that were the case I would rather wash my hands of the person completely, unfortunately with family it isn't that simple. But that's another story for another time...

School? What about it? It's almost done with. I transfer this coming Fall. Where? God only knows, but I am certain it will be somewhere far away from this place, where I can finally put my self to the test and be myself and grow the way that I need to grow. I'm so looking forward to it. I don't even know that I would miss this place; how it's changed so much...

... and not for the good.

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