Monday, December 26, 2005


So it's post-Christmas,and today I got the best gift ever. A friend of mine, (who by the way is also an old Crush-of-mine) came to visit me while in town from Southern California. We met years ago and had been friends since, corresponding via email, online and over the phone since his move away to the midwest for college. Now, he's back in state teaching and living in Southern California. Of course, he's in town for the holidays and so decided to come hangout with me for a little while.

We decided to go to the theater to see "Fun with Dick and Jane", starring Jim Carey. It was his idea to see the movie and I sort of just went along with it since I really didn't care... I just wanted to sit next to him, and stare at him. But the movie turned out to be hilarious. Jim Carey is a hot mess, and still one of my favorite funny people of all time. It was worth the bargain matinee. But still, out the side of my eye, I kept watching 'him' (my crush)... I so wanted to grab his sexy slender hands and hold them throughout the movie, but I gave myself a reality check because I know that he has a boyfriend.

Seeing him again just brought back a lot of weird feelings. I almost felt like a little kid again, my stomach full of knots the whole time. I caught myself staring at him a few seconds too long, entertaining thoughts like, "what if he was single?" and "he's so beautiful..." or, "look at that smile..". And then I would zoom back out into reality, and the knowledge that he has someone.

I couldn't get over how gorgeous he looked, with his well groomed haircut, well manicured hands, nice dark and richly smooth skintone, nice lips, white teeth and a smile that can be seen for miles away. His eyes...*omg* did I mention his eyes? Deep and profound with the cutest curly lashes. He's impecabbly handsome, but even aside from the physical, he's just a well rounded individual intellectually speaking as well. I confessed my admiration and love for him many times. And even though he is a few years younger than me, I still am at awe at his academic accomplishments and drive for success. All this incorporated into a crush, I know... It just makes the wound that much more tender. I hadn't liked anyone for a very long time, and I guess seeing him again really sent me off into the deep end...

And so it has been that my recent search for love been likened to perhaps an impossible crush, or other dreamy impossibilities.

Nevertheless, I am just plain happy that my dear friend, who I love, came to see me.


At 8:48 PM, Blogger Reg said...

Ugh, tender heart. I know how that feels. To want someone more than they do you. To be so close, but so far. It hurts a little. Hopefully you'll find someone to fill the void.

Me. Love-less too.

At 5:14 AM, Blogger DizYaBoy said...

yo ... there's no feelin like that!

when u goin out 2 visit him?

At 12:09 PM, Blogger ML said...

alo papi. x mas sounds nice, kind of like my x mas, i enjoyed my family so, hey so your friend visited thats grand, pace yourself though, you gotta think am i really into him or am i really lonely? you have a fine soul, relax and the really good things will come along nicely!

At 9:02 AM, Blogger Soulful Real said...

nice blog glad you had a good time wit ur boi


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